Trying to Be "Perfect"

Okay, so I admit it – I am a perfectionist. I like to do things thoroughly and correctly and sometimes I spend entirely too much time trying to make something “perfect”. What’s so wrong with that? It drives me crazy when other people don’t care if they do a sloppy job. Too many people try to get by with doing as little as possible and I hate that. I tend to be the complete opposite and go above and beyond to do more than people expect rather than the absolute minimum required. Plus, I think it is a lot more effective and efficient to do something right the first time rather than having to go back and do it again.

I have had some people tell me that they think I am perfect – that I never make mistakes, but the thing is, I would be the first person to tell you that I am NOT perfect – I make mistakes all the time… everyone does, they just don’t always admit it – or care. I hate when I do something wrong – I am my own worst critic. I often [figuratively] beat myself up worse than anyone else would when I do something wrong. While some people look at the things I’ve done and tell me how great they are, but I look at them and see all the imperfections. I remember a wise man telling me that sometimes you have to settle for “good enough” – that is a concept that I struggle with because I hold myself to such high standards. Other people’s “good enough” is not good enough for me.

I have a great deal of difficulty accepting praise, especially when someone is being too lavish with their accolades. When people gush at me it makes me uncomfortable – partially because I am never certain if they are being serious or mocking me. Also, when people go overboard with complimenting me or thanking me it makes me wonder if accepting their praise would be prideful – should I take the credit for simply using my God-given abilities? The ironic thing is that I am always looking for validation and confirmation that I am doing the right thing and that what I am doing is being appreciated. Is that weird?

The other thing is that I don’t take criticism very well, either. I really don’t like it in the least when someone puts down something I’ve done. Unless I really didn’t put much effort into it, it hurts when someone doesn’t like something I’ve done. I constantly try to explain or justify myself. Maybe that’s why some people seem to believe that I think I’m perfect. The problem is that the opposite is actually the case because I know I’m not perfect – far from it – I just keep trying to be as close as I can and hoping my best is good enough.

Paul's Letter to the Church at Ephesus

Christians are called to live as God’s people, but the question arises as to what that really means? The Bible uses various kinds of figurative language to describe Christians and Christian living. Examples of such language are that Christians are called light, soldiers, the body of Christ, a building, a temple, wise people, children of God, and citizens of God’s Kingdom. The book of Ephesians discusses how the church is the body of Christ. Christians are to be involved in an intimate relationship with God so that their character and spirit will be transformed into Christ-likeness and they will imitate Him in their daily walk and interaction with each other.

Chapter 1:1-2 (salutation):
Author and intended audience

The epistle to the Ephesians was written by the Apostle Paul to the believers in the church at Ephesus. It was most likely written at the same time as his letter to the Colossians, in about 60 AD, while he was imprisoned in Rome. Paul was personally acquainted with the church in Ephesus because he founded the church there and remained for about 3 years during one of his missionary journeys (Acts 18:19-21; 19:1-20).

Chapter 1:3-14:
Main idea and purpose

The main theme of verses 3-14 is that a person’s identity in Christ is the most significant aspect of who he or she is. This paragraph identifies all the blessings that Christians can have as members of the Body of Christ. First of all, in Him man has all spiritual blessings. Secondly, Christians are adopted as His children who are set apart for God. Through faith in Christ, man is set free from the bonds of slavery to sin. While all mankind has offended God though sins of omission or sins of commission, He forgives even the worst sins that were committed by someone who is truly repentant. The wisdom of God leads to understanding and everything makes sense and has consummate meaning in Christ. Christians are to serve God and live for His glory because He brought them to and keeps them in the one true faith.

Chapter 2:1-7:
Synonymous phrases

God's workmanship: Relationship between salvation apart from works and being saved by grace. Salvation comes through faith alone by the Grace of God not because of anything that people have done themselves, or because it is something that they have somehow earned. Mankind is Christ’s workmanship in that He has made people who they are and it is only through Him that they can be saved. The fact that people sometimes do good works is the result of their faith rather than the cause of it. People are only saved through the righteousness of Christ and it is because of their relationship with Him that they want to be more like Him. Mankind belongs to God rather than to themselves because He made them. The Greek word for “workmanship” comes from the same root word as the English word “poem”. A poem is a thing of beauty which is created by a poet and reflects his personality. Human beings are God’s workmanship in that they are His creation and an image of Him.

Un-circumcision and circumcision. The Jews believed that by being circumcised they were identified as belonging to the family of God. Circumcision is something that is accomplished by actions on the part of man. What Paul is saying is that our salvation is the accomplishment of Christ, rather than something that we can do ourselves.  In Philippians, Paul refers to circumcision as “mutilation” because it is not necessary and doing it to win salvation negates the accomplishments of Christ. In Colossians, Paul says that sin and transgression has been removed from our lives through Christ. Faith in Christ is a circumcision of the heart rather than of the body.  

Chapter 2: 11-22:
Peace vs. enmity

There are several intertwined concepts represented in this passage. First of all, Paul is emphasizing the unity of the Church as one people rather than distinguishing between Jews and Gentiles. The second main idea is that through Christ, people can have direct access to God. The third and most relevant concept is that Christ is the only way for mankind to achieve true reconciliation. In Him, people can have eternal peace because they are no longer separate from God due to their sin.

Chapter 2: 18-22: 
Metaphors of citizenship and household

Apostles and prophets. The use of the phrase “the apostles and prophets,” found in Ephesians 2:20, combines the Old Testament Jewish prophetic tradition with the New Testament apostolic church. It reflects the theme of unity in the church by indicating that the former and the later are, in fact, one in Christ. While Ephesians 4:11-13 also mentions apostles and prophets, the context is clearly different because it relates to the spiritual gifts of the church. These spiritual gifts are said to be used to build up the church and edify its members. Conversely, “the apostles and prophets” mentioned in the earlier passage are referred to as being what the church is built upon rather than with. There were specific requirements for the title of apostle. For this reason, the salutation in several of Paul’s letters includes a defense of his apostleship. Likewise, the Old Testament clearly names those who were known to be prophets. There is a difference between people who are identified as being apostles or prophets and people who have been granted those individual spiritual gifts.

Christ as the cornerstone of the church. In Ephesians 2:20b-22, Paul referred to Christ as “the chief cornerstone” of the church. While this is a reference to the temple in Jerusalem, it also indicates the foundational role Christ plays in the body of His church because without Him, the church could not stand. The term cornerstone can be used to indicate the whole foundation. Colloquially, to call something a “cornerstone” is to say that it is foundational.

In the context of the book of Ephesians, though, there is deeper meaning in the use of the term “cornerstone.” Architecturally, a cornerstone is often used at the base of the intersection of two walls. The Apostle Paul was writing to the people of Ephesus about how Jews and Gentiles are joined together through Christ and made into one church. A related passage, Ephesians 4:15-16, addresses how the church is held together as the body of Christ with Him at its head.

There is another way in which Christ is the head of the church. Just as the head governs the actions of the body, Christ is the driving force and the controlling factor for all the church does. Ephesians 1:22-23 demonstrates this concept. Other biblical passages, such as Colossians 1:15-18, also refer to Christ as the head of the church, but in relation to His supremacy over it.

1 Peter 2:4-9 vs. Ephesians 2: 20b-22. While some of the terminology is similar between these two passages, the context is somewhat different. 1 Peter offers a call to submission to Christ in all things but with the knowledge that those who do put their trust in Christ will not be disappointed because they will have an eternal reward. The theme in 1 Peter 2:4-9 which relates to Ephesians 2:20b-22, is the concept that all who believe in Christ belong to the same church. Christ is the capstone and the foundation and all believers are the living stones with which the church is built.

Workmanship: Nature of the Church.

The text of Ephesians 4:17-32 addresses the way in which Christians should live their lives. Additionally, it pays specific attention to thinking and acting differently from non-believers. A similar passage is Romans 12:1-2, which instructs Christians to give themselves over to God and live in a way that would be pleasing to Him. Colossians 3 also focuses on Christian living. The underlying theme that is found in all three of these passages is that Christians belong to God and this should be reflected in their lives. The purpose of the church is to glorify and worship God. Therefore the lives of individual believers should have the same goal and focus, as well.

Conclusion

From the Old Testament prophets to the New Testament apostles to contemporary churches, Judeo-Christian theology and tradition has provided instruction on godly interpersonal relationships. Paul's Epistle to the church at Ephesus teaches inspired truth that Christians can use to influence their interactions with their families, friends and co-workers through the principles of reciprocity and mutual submission that should characterize the relationship of Christians have with one another.

Interpreting the Parable of the Growing Seed (Mark 4:26-29)

Faith Develops in a Believer’s Heart

Two types of fictional stories found in the Bible are parables and allegories. From a literary standpoint, a parable can be seen as a simile which is expanded into a whole story, whereas an allegory could be considered to be an extended metaphor (Ferdon, 2009). One of the primary differences between a parable and an allegory is that while the interpretation of a parable should focus on the intended response of the audience, each individual element of an allegory requires a separate interpretation because it represents something or someone else  (Fee & Stuart, 1993). Throughout the Gospels, Jesus regularly taught in parables. According to Virkler (1981), a parable “uses a common event of natural life to emphasize or clarify an important spiritual truth” (p. 163).

The parable of the growing seed is one of the shortest, and possibly least examined of the parables because it consists of only four verses. It is found in just one of the Gospels, Mark 4:26-29 (NIV), where Jesus said, “This is what the kingdom of God is like. A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. All by itself the soil produces grain—first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head. As soon as the grain is ripe, he puts the sickle to it, because the harvest has come.” The fact that this parable is so short in length does not make it any less important or worthy of study.

The characteristics of the specific audience who initially heard the parable should have a significant impact on the way the parable is interpreted. In the case of the parable of the growing seed, Jesus was teaching to a large crowd that was collected by a body of water, most likely the Sea of Galilee. According to Mark 4:1, “The crowd that gathered around him was so large that he got into a boat and sat in it out on the lake, while all the people were along the shore at the water's edge.” Unlike many of Jesus’s other parables, this particular one was not taught in an intimate setting to a small group of believers, but rather to a large number of people who were probably at various stages in their spiritual development.

The parable of the growing seed actually falls in the middle of a section containing four parables. Jesus’s teachings in this section begin with the parable of the sower, followed by the lamp on a stand which immediately precedes the parable of the growing seed. After the parable of the growing seed, Jesus tells the parable of the mustard seed. Subsequent to telling these four parables, the Gospel writer relates the story of Jesus calming the storm. These five incidents should be understood together as a series of related stories rather than as independent or disjointed narratives. The longest and most detailed of the parables in this section is that of the sower, which indicates that when the audience heard the remaining three, they would still have had the parable of the sower on their minds. Jesus explains the parable of the sower immediately after telling it. In His own words, it relates to how people respond to hearing the Word of God. In verse 40, after calming the storm, Jesus asks His disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” The parable of the growing seed is located between these two stories which clearly relate to faith. Therefore, the modern exegete should approach the interpretation of the parable of the growing seed from this perspective.

What Jesus is referring to in this parable is what occurs after the Holy Spirit has planted the seed of faith in a person’s heart. Once faith has taken root, it continues to grow and develop over time, just as a plant does. While the daily or sometimes even weekly growth can be imperceptible from a human perspective, the long-term result is apparent. The development of a plant can be observed at various stages, the same as with someone’s spiritual growth. The lives of individual Christians can bear different fruit because they are at various points of their walk with the Lord. The Holy Spirit harvests the fruit that the faith of believers bears, but the specific fruit will vary based on the believer’s level of spiritual maturity.

The middle two verses of this parable also seems to bear witness to the fact that faith does not come from human effort, but by the power of the Holy Spirit.  A farmer does not really know how or why his crops grow; he just knows that they do because he sees the evidence when harvest time arrives. In the first part of verse 28 where Jesus said, “All by itself the soil produces grain,” indicates that the growth of the seed into a head of wheat is not because of anything that was done by the farmer who planted the wheat. This statement would come as a surprise to the agricultural community who would assert that the fact that a seed sprouted and grew was the result of the labors of the farmer, who prepared the field, planted the seed, watered it, spread fertilizer and generally tended the crop. The catch of this parable is that Jesus contradicted what His listeners would assume to be true in order to make a theological statement about the nature of faith and spiritual growth.

In the second temple period in Israel, the rabbis and teachers of the Law expounded upon the importance of adhering to a particular set of rules that went beyond the original Law of Moses. There were specific duties and responsibilities that faithful Jews were compelled to obey and there was a different set of activities that they were instructed to avoid. For Jews who lived during the time of Jesus, it was normal for a rabbi to teach a set of instructions for his followers to obey in order to earn favor with God. When Jesus taught that faith could grow and bear fruit in the life of a believer without the person being required to do anything, it was highly unusual and set His teachings apart.

  While many modern Christians view conversion as a one-time occurrence or that faith is something a person does once a week, what Jesus taught was an entirely different concept. The parable of the growing seed clearly demonstrates that faith is a process rather than an event. The intended response to the parable of the growing seed is to recognize that faith takes time to develop to maturity and that spiritual growth comes only as the result of the work of the Holy Spirit in the heart of the believer.

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References

Fee, G. and Stewart, D. (1993). How to read the Bible for all it’s worth, 2^nd ed. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

Ferdon, G. (2009). The nature of parables and allegories: Fundamental differences as figures of speech and unique principles of interpretation. Regent University School of Education.

Kaiser, W. and Silva, M. (1994). An introduction to biblical hermeneutics: The search for meaning. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

Virkler, H. A. (1981). Hermeneutics: Principles and Processes of Biblical Interpretation. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Book House.

I said what?

Do you ever think about the way that other people see you? I do... because I realize that other people don't always see me the way that I am. Sometimes people jump to conclusions based on limited or faulty information. Sometimes people see what they want to see or see what they assume they are going to see. Most people have many layers and are not very transparent, so seeing them as they actually are is very difficult. I often think that I am very transparent and I have been told that I have a very expressive face that makes it difficult to hide what I am feeling, but that doesn't make it any easier for people to understand the way I think.

There is a poem by Scottish author Robert Burns that I love, and seeing as I am distantly related to him (on my father's mother's side), I can quote him: "Oh that God the gift He would give us - To see ourselves as others see us." That makes a lot of sense to me. I think in some ways it would hurt to know how other people feel about us, but in general, I think it would be very helpful to understand the way that other people see me. It would help me to see where I do well and on what issues I still need to work.

It seems to me that the most difficult thing to understand about someone else is their intentions. I think often people who do not know me, or don't know me well, mistake my intentions and misinterpret what I mean by what I do or say. I don't always realize when something has been misinterpreted, though, especially when the person doesn't say anything to me about it. One thing that really bothers me is when someone comes back to me later and tells me that I said something that I know I never said - Meaning they probably misinterpreted something I said, but since it wasn't addressed at the time, I don't know what I did say that upset them because they thought I said something else. It is very frustrating!

Difference does not mean prejudice

Have you ever watched the show, Glee, on Fox? Well up until a couple days ago I hadn't - not until my cousin's daughter posted the latest episode (courtesy of Hulu). While the show was primarily about homosexual teenagers, the theme was about accepting people for their differences and not being afraid to be who you are. One of the lines in the episode was when the Glee Club teacher says to the football coach, "All of us are scarred by high school. Next to our parents, nothing screws a person up more - and people like us, we're stupid enough to come back here and relive that pain every day."

While I don't believe that everyone is scarred by high school, I know there are plenty of people who have a pretty rough time of it. I guess part of the problem is that it is a time in everyone's life when they are trying to figure out who they are. There is a great deal of uncertainty and insecurity during the teenage years and the way that some people handle that is by taking it out on their peers - on singling out those who, for one reason or another, are labeled as being different - maybe their looks are different (color, size, shape, etc.), or they act differently, or they speak differently.

In the past couple months, I spoke with two girls: one who is seventeen and one who is twenty-two. Both girls are very pretty (tall, slim, nice build, pretty hair and face, well dressed, etc.), intelligent and have nice, friendly personalities. The thing is, that both of them spoke about having people judge them unjustly. They both mentioned that some people don't like them without even giving them a chance. At first, I was very surprised, because my intial thought was "how could someone not like you?" but then I remembered my own experiences - I was like that, too, when I was their age - people thought the same thing about me.

I wasn't popular in high school - in fact, I was picked on quite a bit. I had friends, I just wasn't part of the "in" crowd. I remember sophomore year when I was helping the captain of the football team in math. He was one of those popular boys who all the girls swooned over. (I wasn't impressed because while he was nice, he wasn't that bright.) Anyway, I remember him telling me that he really appreciated all my help because he never would have passed without me and that I was pretty cool but he couldn't be my friend because he would be judged for hanging out with me because I wasn't one of the popular kids. That's kind-of ironic, isn't it?

In addition to raising me not to be shallow and superficial, my mother taught me not to pick on someone or be prejudiced against someone for something that they would change if they could. For instance, it is wrong to judge someone based solely on their race or ethnic background, but it is also wrong to judge someone because they are unattractive or poor. The sad thing is that people do it all the time. If I don't like someone, it's because of who they are, not what they are. I don't really care if someone is white or purple, tall or short, fat or thin, gorgeous or homely, rich or poor, liberal or conservative, I decide whether or not I like someone based on their personality. When I meet someone new, I assume they are a good person until they prove otherwise.

Why is it that someone people are so quick to judge others? The fear of being rejected forces some people to hide who they really are. I'm not saying that we have to like and be friends with everyone, I'm just saying that we should show everyone the same kind of respect that we would like to receive. We are all different - that is a given - but it doesn't mean that anyone should act as if they believe they are better than someone else. According to Galatians 2:28 (NIV), "There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." We need to start acting like it!

Change

This is a devotion/reflection that I wrote last year (almost two years ago now), but I was thinking about "change" so I wanted to share it now.

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"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose... For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:28, 38-39 (NIV)

CHANGE – That’s a word we’ve certainly heard a lot lately. What’s the old expression, "everything changes except death and taxes" or "the only thing that stays the same is that everything changes"? We face changes in our lives all the time… and some are easier to accept than others. I remember when my husband and I were writing our marriage vows, one of the lines was something along the lines of a commitment not to avoid changes but to navigate them successfully. We all know to expect changes – it’s how we deal with them that matters.

As Christians, we know that the one thing that will never change is God – He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. The nature and person of God never changes. No matter what we face in life, God will always be there for us. We can have confidence and assurance that He will help us through it.

A while ago I made a wallet card for my husband that had a quote from a book he was reading on one side and a Scripture passage on the other. The quote from the book was, "Lord, You got me into this… I’m trusting in you to get me out of it" and the Scripture passage Proverbs 3:5 that says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." These two quotes serve as a reminder that we should put our trust in God and He will help us to navigate through the changes we face in our lives.

So change is not something to fear… it is something to look forward to with expectation and hope. God says, "I know the plans I have for you – plans to prosper you, not to harm you." So let’s trust God’s plan and look at these changes as positive rather than negative and something to be feared.

When the Children Become the Parents to their Parents

My father just turned 80 this year and doesn't want to admit that he is getting old. He seems to think that he is just as able and capable as he was when he was 50, but he really isn't. I have been struggling with trying to get the point across without having him hate me. Sometimes I get off the phone with him either ready to scream or cry. I just don't know what to do anymore.

While waiting in the dentist's office the other day I read an article in Time magazine which addressed the issue that I am facing - how do you deal with an aging parent? "It's the stage just after infancy and just before infirmity that tests those of us in between... As they age, our parents need constraints, but the context shifts.. we put limits on their freedoms" (Gibbs, 2010, para. 1). My father is not at the stage where he is unable to take care of himself anymore - he is just at the stage where he needs someone to check up on him. He sometimes forgets to pay bills or to get the car inspected or even to eat. He doesn't always look when changing lanes and tends to get lost while driving - especially at night. He forgets, or doesn't make, doctor's appointments. I tell him that I worry about him and instead of appreciating it, he gets angry with me. He doesn't want me checking up on him - I think it's at least partially because he doesn't want to lie to me but also doesn't want to have to tell me the truth.

I try to look out for what's best for him, but he rebels when I try to get him to agree to limits. Two years ago, when my mother passed away, I asked him to promise me that he wouldn't climb up on the roof anymore and wouldn't climb up on the ladder without having someone watching him. I know he has, but when I point out that he broke his promise, he gets angry and makes excuses. When I tried to ask him not to drive at night and not to drive by himself, he had a fairly similar reaction. That is how he responds pretty much every time I try to get him to commit to something - he gets angry and makes excuses. As Gibbs (2010) says, "Telling kids what to do comes naturally. Telling parents what to do takes more dexterity, like playing the flute in mittens. If teenagers are genetically ungrateful, our elders are understandably so, for the will to keep living large is fierce, and any attempt to shrink them to safety is a splash of mortality they naturally resent" (para. 2). I can't force him to do anything - even if it is what's best for him.

My husband and I asked him to move down here and live with us so we could all be together and I would be readily available to assist if he needed help - and I wouldn't have to worry about him as much. That was almost two years ago and he still won't make a decision. It's always some excuse why he can't commit. He says he doesn't want to think about it. He says we're trying to pressure him. He acts as if we don't care how he feels, but the problem is that I do love him. I don't know how much longer he's going to be able to take care of himself and I'm so far away that I worry about what could happen. I'm at my wits end.

Gibbs, N. (2010, 25 October). The coping conundrum. Time, 176 (17), p. 76.