Have you ever watched the show, Glee, on Fox? Well up until a couple days ago I hadn't - not until my cousin's daughter posted the latest episode (courtesy of Hulu). While the show was primarily about homosexual teenagers, the theme was about accepting people for their differences and not being afraid to be who you are. One of the lines in the episode was when the Glee Club teacher says to the football coach, "All of us are scarred by high school. Next to our parents, nothing screws a person up more - and people like us, we're stupid enough to come back here and relive that pain every day."
While I don't believe that everyone is scarred by high school, I know there are plenty of people who have a pretty rough time of it. I guess part of the problem is that it is a time in everyone's life when they are trying to figure out who they are. There is a great deal of uncertainty and insecurity during the teenage years and the way that some people handle that is by taking it out on their peers - on singling out those who, for one reason or another, are labeled as being different - maybe their looks are different (color, size, shape, etc.), or they act differently, or they speak differently.
In the past couple months, I spoke with two girls: one who is seventeen and one who is twenty-two. Both girls are very pretty (tall, slim, nice build, pretty hair and face, well dressed, etc.), intelligent and have nice, friendly personalities. The thing is, that both of them spoke about having people judge them unjustly. They both mentioned that some people don't like them without even giving them a chance. At first, I was very surprised, because my intial thought was "how could someone not like you?" but then I remembered my own experiences - I was like that, too, when I was their age - people thought the same thing about me.
I wasn't popular in high school - in fact, I was picked on quite a bit. I had friends, I just wasn't part of the "in" crowd. I remember sophomore year when I was helping the captain of the football team in math. He was one of those popular boys who all the girls swooned over. (I wasn't impressed because while he was nice, he wasn't that bright.) Anyway, I remember him telling me that he really appreciated all my help because he never would have passed without me and that I was pretty cool but he couldn't be my friend because he would be judged for hanging out with me because I wasn't one of the popular kids. That's kind-of ironic, isn't it?
In addition to raising me not to be shallow and superficial, my mother taught me not to pick on someone or be prejudiced against someone for something that they would change if they could. For instance, it is wrong to judge someone based solely on their race or ethnic background, but it is also wrong to judge someone because they are unattractive or poor. The sad thing is that people do it all the time. If I don't like someone, it's because of who they are, not what they are. I don't really care if someone is white or purple, tall or short, fat or thin, gorgeous or homely, rich or poor, liberal or conservative, I decide whether or not I like someone based on their personality. When I meet someone new, I assume they are a good person until they prove otherwise.
Why is it that someone people are so quick to judge others? The fear of being rejected forces some people to hide who they really are. I'm not saying that we have to like and be friends with everyone, I'm just saying that we should show everyone the same kind of respect that we would like to receive. We are all different - that is a given - but it doesn't mean that anyone should act as if they believe they are better than someone else. According to Galatians 2:28 (NIV), "There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." We need to start acting like it!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Change
This is a devotion/reflection that I wrote last year (almost two years ago now), but I was thinking about "change" so I wanted to share it now.
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"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose... For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:28, 38-39 (NIV)
CHANGE – That’s a word we’ve certainly heard a lot lately. What’s the old expression, "everything changes except death and taxes" or "the only thing that stays the same is that everything changes"? We face changes in our lives all the time… and some are easier to accept than others. I remember when my husband and I were writing our marriage vows, one of the lines was something along the lines of a commitment not to avoid changes but to navigate them successfully. We all know to expect changes – it’s how we deal with them that matters.
As Christians, we know that the one thing that will never change is God – He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. The nature and person of God never changes. No matter what we face in life, God will always be there for us. We can have confidence and assurance that He will help us through it.
A while ago I made a wallet card for my husband that had a quote from a book he was reading on one side and a Scripture passage on the other. The quote from the book was, "Lord, You got me into this… I’m trusting in you to get me out of it" and the Scripture passage Proverbs 3:5 that says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." These two quotes serve as a reminder that we should put our trust in God and He will help us to navigate through the changes we face in our lives.
So change is not something to fear… it is something to look forward to with expectation and hope. God says, "I know the plans I have for you – plans to prosper you, not to harm you." So let’s trust God’s plan and look at these changes as positive rather than negative and something to be feared.
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"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose... For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:28, 38-39 (NIV)
CHANGE – That’s a word we’ve certainly heard a lot lately. What’s the old expression, "everything changes except death and taxes" or "the only thing that stays the same is that everything changes"? We face changes in our lives all the time… and some are easier to accept than others. I remember when my husband and I were writing our marriage vows, one of the lines was something along the lines of a commitment not to avoid changes but to navigate them successfully. We all know to expect changes – it’s how we deal with them that matters.
As Christians, we know that the one thing that will never change is God – He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. The nature and person of God never changes. No matter what we face in life, God will always be there for us. We can have confidence and assurance that He will help us through it.
A while ago I made a wallet card for my husband that had a quote from a book he was reading on one side and a Scripture passage on the other. The quote from the book was, "Lord, You got me into this… I’m trusting in you to get me out of it" and the Scripture passage Proverbs 3:5 that says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." These two quotes serve as a reminder that we should put our trust in God and He will help us to navigate through the changes we face in our lives.
So change is not something to fear… it is something to look forward to with expectation and hope. God says, "I know the plans I have for you – plans to prosper you, not to harm you." So let’s trust God’s plan and look at these changes as positive rather than negative and something to be feared.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
When the Children Become the Parents to their Parents
My father just turned 80 this year and doesn't want to admit that he is getting old. He seems to think that he is just as able and capable as he was when he was 50, but he really isn't. I have been struggling with trying to get the point across without having him hate me. Sometimes I get off the phone with him either ready to scream or cry. I just don't know what to do anymore.
While waiting in the dentist's office the other day I read an article in Time magazine which addressed the issue that I am facing - how do you deal with an aging parent? "It's the stage just after infancy and just before infirmity that tests those of us in between... As they age, our parents need constraints, but the context shifts.. we put limits on their freedoms" (Gibbs, 2010, para. 1). My father is not at the stage where he is unable to take care of himself anymore - he is just at the stage where he needs someone to check up on him. He sometimes forgets to pay bills or to get the car inspected or even to eat. He doesn't always look when changing lanes and tends to get lost while driving - especially at night. He forgets, or doesn't make, doctor's appointments. I tell him that I worry about him and instead of appreciating it, he gets angry with me. He doesn't want me checking up on him - I think it's at least partially because he doesn't want to lie to me but also doesn't want to have to tell me the truth.
I try to look out for what's best for him, but he rebels when I try to get him to agree to limits. Two years ago, when my mother passed away, I asked him to promise me that he wouldn't climb up on the roof anymore and wouldn't climb up on the ladder without having someone watching him. I know he has, but when I point out that he broke his promise, he gets angry and makes excuses. When I tried to ask him not to drive at night and not to drive by himself, he had a fairly similar reaction. That is how he responds pretty much every time I try to get him to commit to something - he gets angry and makes excuses. As Gibbs (2010) says, "Telling kids what to do comes naturally. Telling parents what to do takes more dexterity, like playing the flute in mittens. If teenagers are genetically ungrateful, our elders are understandably so, for the will to keep living large is fierce, and any attempt to shrink them to safety is a splash of mortality they naturally resent" (para. 2). I can't force him to do anything - even if it is what's best for him.
My husband and I asked him to move down here and live with us so we could all be together and I would be readily available to assist if he needed help - and I wouldn't have to worry about him as much. That was almost two years ago and he still won't make a decision. It's always some excuse why he can't commit. He says he doesn't want to think about it. He says we're trying to pressure him. He acts as if we don't care how he feels, but the problem is that I do love him. I don't know how much longer he's going to be able to take care of himself and I'm so far away that I worry about what could happen. I'm at my wits end.
Gibbs, N. (2010, 25 October). The coping conundrum. Time, 176 (17), p. 76.
While waiting in the dentist's office the other day I read an article in Time magazine which addressed the issue that I am facing - how do you deal with an aging parent? "It's the stage just after infancy and just before infirmity that tests those of us in between... As they age, our parents need constraints, but the context shifts.. we put limits on their freedoms" (Gibbs, 2010, para. 1). My father is not at the stage where he is unable to take care of himself anymore - he is just at the stage where he needs someone to check up on him. He sometimes forgets to pay bills or to get the car inspected or even to eat. He doesn't always look when changing lanes and tends to get lost while driving - especially at night. He forgets, or doesn't make, doctor's appointments. I tell him that I worry about him and instead of appreciating it, he gets angry with me. He doesn't want me checking up on him - I think it's at least partially because he doesn't want to lie to me but also doesn't want to have to tell me the truth.
I try to look out for what's best for him, but he rebels when I try to get him to agree to limits. Two years ago, when my mother passed away, I asked him to promise me that he wouldn't climb up on the roof anymore and wouldn't climb up on the ladder without having someone watching him. I know he has, but when I point out that he broke his promise, he gets angry and makes excuses. When I tried to ask him not to drive at night and not to drive by himself, he had a fairly similar reaction. That is how he responds pretty much every time I try to get him to commit to something - he gets angry and makes excuses. As Gibbs (2010) says, "Telling kids what to do comes naturally. Telling parents what to do takes more dexterity, like playing the flute in mittens. If teenagers are genetically ungrateful, our elders are understandably so, for the will to keep living large is fierce, and any attempt to shrink them to safety is a splash of mortality they naturally resent" (para. 2). I can't force him to do anything - even if it is what's best for him.
My husband and I asked him to move down here and live with us so we could all be together and I would be readily available to assist if he needed help - and I wouldn't have to worry about him as much. That was almost two years ago and he still won't make a decision. It's always some excuse why he can't commit. He says he doesn't want to think about it. He says we're trying to pressure him. He acts as if we don't care how he feels, but the problem is that I do love him. I don't know how much longer he's going to be able to take care of himself and I'm so far away that I worry about what could happen. I'm at my wits end.
Gibbs, N. (2010, 25 October). The coping conundrum. Time, 176 (17), p. 76.
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