Essential Principles for Christian Character Development in Teens and Young Adults

The following is a list of principles essential to the Christ-like character development process, including principles and concepts essential to developing and implementing character formation activities. Specific detail is given as to the application of each principle as it relates to teaching and guiding young people in their character development process. The teenage years are unique because parents and teachers need to take a step back and learn to become observers who influence rather than control behavior of the young people under their care.

Recognizing Personal Frailty.

Christians must recognize that human beings lack the capacity and the resources to save themselves and, therefore, are in desperate need of Jesus’s redemptive power. Salvation can only come through His Grace. This acknowledgement of weakness causes Christians to turn to God for help. Jesus shows His followers that the way to prepare for entrance into the Kingdom is to first and foremost admit their poverty of spirit and open their hearts to that which only God can provide. Human weakness is constantly pointed out by failure to break free from the bonds of sin by human effort – reminding people of the need for Christ.

Taking Responsibility for Actions.

It is through meekness and submission to Christ that Christians are made to realize the fact that they are weak in their sins. Christ-like meekness means being able to recognize personal faults and taking responsibility for them. The world tells its citizens that they need to be strong and powerful and submit only to the standards that they set for themselves. Pride and self-centeredness are seen as virtues in the earthly kingdom. One of the worst things for a parent or teacher to do when the young people in their care make mistakes would be to let them get away with the wrong-doing. If young people don't see any negative consequences that resulted from their poorly-made decisions, they will continue down the wrong path. They need to be taught that actions have consequences. young people are old enough that they should no longer be treated like little children, but through it all, they need to be shown love, and more importantly, the love of God.

Obeying the Will of God.

Essentially, the Biblical character development process involves dying to self and self-wishes in order to obey the will of God. What truly matters is the recognition of human frailty and inability to please God, on top of the fact that God is in control. One developmental problem that young people have is a tendency to think that the world revolves around them, so-to-speak. It is an unfortunate fact that too many young people usually put their own desires above all else. They need to be shown the reality that Christians must put their lives in the hands of Jesus and trust in His strength rather than their own. Choosing to follow Jesus means putting Him first, before their own wants and wishes, and their desire for their own earthly self-preservation.

Repentance from Sin.

Young people need to be shown that failure is part of life, and it is okay to make mistakes. Discipleship does not require perfection, but rather recognition of failure, true repentance, and receptivity to being lead by Christ. Christians recognize their own unworthiness of the forgiveness they have received through Christ and therefore forgive others because they are themselves forgiven. Contrary to the way the world sees it, forgiveness does not need to be “deserved.” Christians don’t get what they deserve, or they would not be saved. Everyone is a sinner in the eyes of God, but God shows mercy by forgiving people while they are still sinners. Christians have the best understanding of what it really means to be merciful because they themselves have been shown mercy by God.

Making the Right Behavioral Choices.

The Kingdom character development process is more than just a set of codes by which Christians must live their lives. Growth in true Christ-likeness goes from merely control by laws and rules to control by the heart's desire to please God. Becoming Christ-like in character also includes the out-pouring of values in behavior. young people need to be given just the right amount of freedom. If they have been raised properly, with the right set of morals and values, they will hold to their Christian character and make the right decisions. When they make mistakes, as they invariably will, they need to be treated with love.

Facing/Overcoming Hardships and Trials.

The teenage years are traumatic and stressful for all involved: parents, teachers, and the young people alike. Therefore young people need to be shown that it is a natural part of the Christian life to face a variety of different kinds of hardships and trials. A fact that too many Christians hate to admit is that it often takes suffering to bring about an honest change of heart. As is evidenced in Romans 5:3b-5, Christ-like character development requires that Christians overcome the hardships they face, because then they are able to grow in their relationship with God.

Setting Limits/Boundaries.

Parents and teachers are called by God to undertake the task of properly instructing the children in their care, which includes necessary correction and discipline. The goal of setting limits/boundaries for what children can and cannot do is to create a sense of motivation toward being responsible, empathetic, and caring, not just because it is important to their parents and teachers, but because it is important to them. Children need to realize that when they disobey or act in a disrespectful manner towards their parents and teachers it is really God who is not being obeyed and honored.

REFERENCES

Arnold, E. (1935). Extracts from salt and light. Sussex: Plough.

Barna, G. (1996). Transforming children into spiritual champions. Ventura, CA: Regal.

Cameron, T. (n.d.). Becoming ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’: The development of the self-regency mechanism from birth to 18 years. Cape Town, South Africa.

Cameron, T. (2000). Summary of seminar by Dallas Willard. Ministering the kingdom with Jesus today. Cape Town, South Africa.

Cameron, T. (n.d.). The companions Jesus wants. Unpublished manuscript.

Cameron, T. (n.d.). Our ABC towards understanding what process God installed in man for conformity to Christ. Cape Town, South Africa.

Dubuid, I. (2001). Hero of heroes: Seeing Christ in the beatitudes. New Jersey: P & R Publishing.

Edwards, J. (n.d.). Experience that counts. A treatise concerning religious affections, abridged. Darlington Co. Durham: Evangelical Press.

Luther, M. (2003). On Christian liberty. Minneapolis, MI: Fortress Press.

Murray, A. (n.d.). Absolute surrender. Chicago: Moody Press.

Tripp, T. (1995). Shepherding a child's heart. Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press.

Willard, D. (1988). The spirit of the disciplines: Understanding how God changes lives. San Francisco: Harper Collins.

Lessons on distinctively Kingdom character development from the example of the apostle Peter

Theoretical Analysis

When it comes to the Christ-like character development process, what we are really talking about is a matter of discipleship, true heart change, Kingdom character development or sanctification, since all of these terms really mean one and the same thing. In the context of Scripture, there is significant evidence of it at work in many different Biblical characters, one of whom is Simon Peter, also referred to as Cephas.

Essentially, the Biblical character development process involves dying to self and self-wishes in order to obey the will of God. The New Testament provides a great deal of insight into the life of the Disciple Peter. There are a variety of different passages that focus on the development of his Christ-like character through the circumstances he was involved in, the challenges he faced, the behavioral choices he was presented with, the source of empowerment he selected, and the final outcomes. He walked a particular path through his life’s journey before reaching his final maturity level.

Circumstances

There isn’t much background information provided about Peter, other than the facts that he was a fisherman who was a disciple of John the Baptist. The initial Biblical reference to him can be found in John 1:35-42 where Jesus calls His first disciples. It took Peter a while to understand what Jesus was teaching, so on numerous occasions, he asked Jesus for an explanation. This displayed not only his lack of understanding, but also, more importantly, his desire to learn and to seek the truth.

From the time of his calling, Peter had a heart-felt desire to serve and follow Jesus, - he just initially lacked the necessary understanding. In Matthew 16:13-20, Peter declared his belief about the true identity of Jesus – as The Christ, The Messiah, The Anointed One. Peter knew who Jesus was, - he just didn’t initially fully understand what Jesus’s role really entailed. It took a while for Peter to honestly absorb and fully comprehend the teachings of Jesus.

Originally he didn’t understand that Jesus’s Kingdom was not an earthly one, but a Spiritual one. Peter had a view of the duty of the Messiah that was more in alignment with a commonly held Jewish believe of the time than with who Jesus actually was. He expected Jesus to overthrow the governing authorities, and wanted political power and favor in the Kingdom that Jesus talked about establishing. When Jesus talked about being the Suffering Servant who must die and be raised again (Matthew 16:21-28), Peter refuted His teaching, saying that it would not happen that way. Peter didn’t understand that it needed to happen that way. When Jesus was betrayed by Judas and taken captive by the authorities, Peter couldn’t grasp what was happening and why. It was this shattering of his worldview that opened his eyes to the truth and brought about his radical change of heart.


Challenge to Peter

Peter believed that he was a righteous man and a devout follower of Jesus. He believed that he was an exemplary disciple who would allow himself to be lead anywhere by Jesus and through anything, even unto death. In Matthew 26:33, Peter vehemently asserts to Jesus, “Though all become deserters because of you, I will never desert you.” Yet Jesus responds to this statement by foretelling of Peter’s betrayal (Matthew 26:34-35, Mark 14:30, and Luke 22:34), by stating that despite his protestations to the contrary, Peter would deny Him three times that very same evening.

Choice Before Him

When Peter was confronted with the reality of what it truly meant for Jesus to be the Messiah, it shattered his worldview. As he watched Jesus’s arrest, he was in shock and perhaps didn’t know what to do or how to react. When Jesus was arrested, he continued to follow Him, at least physically. He was forced to realize that what Jesus had been saying about His having to suffer and die was coming to fruition. Perhaps he feared for his own life, wondering if the same fate would befall him. He saw only the fact that Jesus was about to suffer and die, not that He would be raised again from the dead, as foretold in the Scriptures. When Peter was confronted in the courtyard (Matthew 26:69-75), his first reaction was to protect himself, rather than to honor Jesus. It was easy for him to follow Jesus as his Rabbi (teacher) when there were no consequences for his loyalty, but when he was faced with the choice of where his loyalties truly lay, he thought only of himself and denied Jesus. He succumbed to the temptation to put his own wellbeing first above his discipleship to Jesus. It wasn’t until he heard the rooster’s final crow, and remembered what Jesus had told him, that he truly understood the situation that he was in. When Peter realized what he had done, he repented, and wept bitterly over his sin.

Source of Empowerment He Selected

Peter’s own betrayal of Jesus, and his desire to again prove his loyalty, had probably been on his mind since Jesus’s crucifixion. His heart-felt and painful repentance brought about a significant change in him. John 21 recounts Jesus’s third appearance to His disciples after the Resurrection. Verse 7 indicates that as soon as Peter recognized Jesus, he was so anxious to see Him again that he jumped into the water to get to Him more quickly, while everyone else waited to come in on the boat. It is entirely possible that he expected to be able to walk on water again, as he had done before in Matthew 14:25-33, but essentially what matters was his earnest desire to prove the loyalty to Jesus, a loyalty which he had previously rejected.

Verses 15-19 describe the scene following the breakfast on the beach, where Jesus personally interacts with Peter, apart from the other disciples. In this passage, Jesus asks Peter three times if he loves Him, and when he answers in the affirmative, he is told to minister to the children of God, “tend my sheep.” He denied Jesus three times, so he was allowed the opportunity to repent by confirming three times that he really did love Jesus.

Final Outcomes

Peter’s life is an example of the fact that God’s sanctification process is primarily one of bringing about the death of self-focus, while relying on God’s strength. He recognized when he had sinned against Jesus and repented of that sin. His life was not without flaw, but it was not expected to be. Only Jesus was capable of living a sinless life – Peter was not, as he was only human.

The lesson that can be learned from the life of Peter is that discipleship does not require perfection, but rather recognition of failure and true repentance. A Christian who claims to follow Jesus in all aspects of life can still make mistakes. The saying is that, “Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven,” because when a Christian makes a mistake, as they invariably will, they repent and are forgiven.

Peter made a mistake by denying his personal relationship with Jesus – a momentary lapse of judgement, a choice which he regretted bitterly. His apology to Jesus was in the form of his trice affirmation of his true love for Jesus. A fact that he was able to prove, time and time again, in his later ministry. His teachings about Jesus are made clear in his epistles.

As is often the case in the life of Christians, Peter’s failure brought about a greater strength. It was through his crisis of faith, in his denial of Jesus, that he was made stronger in his faith. A fact that many Christians hate to admit is that it often takes suffering to bring about an honest change of heart. What truly matters is the recognition of human frailty and inability to please God, on top of the fact that God is in control. Christians must put their lives in the hand of Jesus and trust in His strength rather than their own. Choosing to follow Jesus means putting Him first, before their own wants and wishes, and their desire for their own earthly self-preservation.

Practical Application

There are many different bases by which to evaluate a person's worth. This determination is partially dependent upon the perspective of the evaluator. The dictionary defines worth as, "the value of something measured by its qualities or by the esteem in which it is held." The secular humanistic worldview places a person's value on their ability to perform. Someone who is a religious legalist would place a person's value on how well they are able to keep the rules they are expected to follow. By contrast, the Kingdom worldview sees a person's worth as being based upon their character, or their value to God as a person. God sees people as they truly are, and values them by the strength of their relationship with him. 

In essence, every human being has the same value based on the fact that they are created in the image of God. This is not an easy thing for human beings to see for themselves, though, because as temporal and finite beings, they obviously have a very different perspective than an infinite and omniscient God does. Therefore, human beings are unable to view the true character of those they come in contact with. They are only able to evaluate each other based on what they are able to perceive using their five senses. These senses can only be used to perceive what someone does rather than who they are. While God sees someone's heart, man sees his actions.

Having a heart to serve God means living life as He commanded. According to Martin Luther, “The works themselves do not justify him before God, but he does the works out of spontaneous life in obedience to God and considers nothing except the approval of god, whom he would most scrupulously obey in all things." (Luther 2003 p.36) Human beings see evidence of the character of others by the way they exhibit their faith in their actions.

Human beings believe each other to be in a right relationship with God, and therefore possessing of a Christian character, when they exhibit Christ-like behavior toward one other. When someone acts in a Christ-like manner toward someone else, they are often referred to as having acted in a "Christian" manner. Likewise when someone is intentionally mean, cruel, or hurtful toward someone else, they are perceived as not being very Christian. For example, saying something spiteful to someone else is not a very nice, or a “Christian" thing to do, and someone who said such a thing would not be thought of as a "good Christian."


References

Cameron, T. (n.d.). Becoming ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’: The development of the self-regency mechanism from birth to 18 years. Cape Town: South Africa.

Luther, M. (2003). On Christian liberty. Minneapolis, MI: Fortress Press.

Mirriam-Webster, I. (1996). Mirriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary. (10^th ed.) Springfield, MA: Mirriam-Webster.

Thoughts on Mothers’ Day from Someone Who Wants to be a Mother

I know I've written on this topic before, but it is weighing heavily on my heart right now. My heart aches....

Mothers’ Day is a rough time of year for me on several different levels. I didn’t know how difficult it was going to be. The problem is that I no longer have my mother (she passed away suddenly in 2008) and I am not yet a mother. I guess the problem is that not only did I expected to still have my mother, but I expected to be a mother at least once, if not twice over by now. I want to be a mother – sometimes so badly it hurts. I miss my mother very much – sometimes so badly I feel like I can’t breathe.

The men of my church are hosting a mother-daughter dinner on Friday. I’m glad I had a prior commitment that I could use as an excuse, because I got sick of people asking me if I would be attending – They should know by now that I neither have my mother anymore, nor do I have a daughter (or a son, for that matter). I made the mistake of going to the mall with my husband yesterday to pick up a couple things – every store we went in, there were signs touting mothers’ day specials and I was wished a “Happy Mothers’ Day” by the sales people – I have even received several promotional emails wishing me “Happy Mothers’ Day”.
Why do people automatically assume that I am a mother? I want to be a mother and it hurts that I'm not. They assume that just because I am a married woman in my mid-30s (my gray hair probably makes me look older) that I am a mother. I know people who are even older than I am who are not mothers (and plenty who are younger who are). I love children. I love spending time with my friends’ children and the children at our church, but I really hate it when people ask me why I don’t have any children or tell me that I am so good with kids that I should have some of my own. I often don’t know how to respond.

I am beginning to wonder if my oldest niece, who will be 23 in July and is getting married in September, will have children before I do. My best friend is only a couple years older than I am and is a grandmother twice over. It seems like every time I turn around I find out that someone else I know is pregnant or had a baby. Most of my friends have at least one, if not several children. When is it going to be my turn? Will I ever be a mother?

I love the feeling of holding a baby in my arms. I love watching toddlers learning how to walk. I love watching young children discovering things for the first time. I love experiencing with a child the thrill of success (riding a bike for the first time, getting good grades in school, etc.). I love watching children grow into teenagers and becoming young adults.

We are hoping to adopt a child anywhere from newborn to about age 14. While I will never be able to suckle a baby at my breast, I can still experience all the joys and all the tears of watching my children grow up. We’re talking with a social worker about adopting a child from the state foster care system, which is usually children that are at least 9, but some of them are younger. Adopting a child is a serious undertaking and should not be taken lightly. Foster children have special needs and special challenges, but they are still children who deserve a good, loving home. I can’t be doing it for me, though. I can’t be trying to adopt a child to fill a need in my life or a void in my heart – I have to want to adopt a child to give the child a home. Can’t it be a little bit of both, though?

While we would be open to adopting an infant, we aren’t trying to for three reasons: 1) It is VERY difficult to be matched to an infant because there are more people wanting to adopt infants than there are infants; 2) We can’t afford the legal fees associated with adopting an infant and can’t afford to pay the biological mother’s medical bills during her pregnancy; and 3) We really feel that God is calling us to adopt an older child because they are often forgotten about – the older a child gets, the less likely they are to be adopted. Foster children often end up bouncing from home to home until they age out of the system. Many times foster homes are not healthy environments for children – sometimes they are no better than the homes from which they were removed. The need is heartbreaking. I feel for those children – they deserve a chance for a real family, for a sense of permanence, for love! We can give them that.

I want children and there are children who need a home – it seems like a perfect match. We don’t have a lot of money, but we have enough. We don’t have a large house, but we have a good home. We can’t buy a child tons of fancy clothes or expensive toys, but we give them what they need and show them love. Any child we adopt would be our child and would be treated as such. We would be good parents. We just need the chance to give a child a chance…