Trying to Be "Perfect"

Okay, so I admit it – I am a perfectionist. I like to do things thoroughly and correctly and sometimes I spend entirely too much time trying to make something “perfect”. What’s so wrong with that? It drives me crazy when other people don’t care if they do a sloppy job. Too many people try to get by with doing as little as possible and I hate that. I tend to be the complete opposite and go above and beyond to do more than people expect rather than the absolute minimum required. Plus, I think it is a lot more effective and efficient to do something right the first time rather than having to go back and do it again.

I have had some people tell me that they think I am perfect – that I never make mistakes, but the thing is, I would be the first person to tell you that I am NOT perfect – I make mistakes all the time… everyone does, they just don’t always admit it – or care. I hate when I do something wrong – I am my own worst critic. I often [figuratively] beat myself up worse than anyone else would when I do something wrong. While some people look at the things I’ve done and tell me how great they are, but I look at them and see all the imperfections. I remember a wise man telling me that sometimes you have to settle for “good enough” – that is a concept that I struggle with because I hold myself to such high standards. Other people’s “good enough” is not good enough for me.

I have a great deal of difficulty accepting praise, especially when someone is being too lavish with their accolades. When people gush at me it makes me uncomfortable – partially because I am never certain if they are being serious or mocking me. Also, when people go overboard with complimenting me or thanking me it makes me wonder if accepting their praise would be prideful – should I take the credit for simply using my God-given abilities? The ironic thing is that I am always looking for validation and confirmation that I am doing the right thing and that what I am doing is being appreciated. Is that weird?

The other thing is that I don’t take criticism very well, either. I really don’t like it in the least when someone puts down something I’ve done. Unless I really didn’t put much effort into it, it hurts when someone doesn’t like something I’ve done. I constantly try to explain or justify myself. Maybe that’s why some people seem to believe that I think I’m perfect. The problem is that the opposite is actually the case because I know I’m not perfect – far from it – I just keep trying to be as close as I can and hoping my best is good enough.