It seems to me that often we only think we know other people... or think they know us. I have begun to notice lately that we don't always understand each other as well as we think we do. I think I tend to judge other people based on myself, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who does that. In order to really understand who someone is, and why they think or act the way they do, we must first get to know them. It is human nature to have difficulty understanding someone who is different from us.
Personally, I have gotten myself in trouble by either expecting someone to react the same way I would in a particular situation, or when they don't, trying to understand where they are coming from. I have discovered that not everyone wants to be understood because they don't want to have to explain themselves. You see, I think part of my problem is the fact that I am a very mathematical, analytical, rational person who wants everything to make sense and fit into neat, logical categories.... Unfortunately, people usually don't.
It was brought to my attention lately that there are some people who don't like me because they see me as argumentative and confrontational. This perception arises because people are jumping to conclusions about me without taking the time to get to know me and understand where I am coming from. When I ask a question, it is because I am looking for the answer (probably in an effort to understand something because it doesn't make sense to me) or a solution (probably because I am asking for help because I am having difficulty find a solution on my own), not because I am trying to be argumentative or confrontational.
The other issue is that some people see me as critical. When I offer to help, give an opinion or offer a suggestion, it is because I am trying to help, not because I am trying to criticize. If I see someone struggling, my natural inclination is to try to help. If I see a problem, my natural inclination is to try to offer a solution. It has been brought to my attention that some people take offense when unsolicited advice, opinions or help is offered. Likewise, even if some people are doing something wrong or having trouble doing it, that doesn't mean they want someone else to point out what they are doing wrong or try to help them unless they ask. That doesn't make sense to me. If I'm struggling and someone sees me struggling and doesn't offer to help if they can, I think they're being rude. I would rather have the help at least offered, even if I don't need it. If I made a mistake and didn't realize it, I would like someone to point the mistake out to me so that I don't make it again. I don't understand why anyone would choose to do something wrong or not want to be made aware of a mistake.
Often when interacting why people, I think too quickly for them to understand my train of thought. I will often run through multiple solutions, and discard various possibilities, very quickly. I think I just tend to over-analyze everything. This often comes across wrong when I am dealing with people who don't think that quickly.
I try to help others, just as I would want others to help me. I want to understand and have things make sense. How does that make me a bad person who people don't always like? I don't understand... and it bothers me that people would rather judge me and dislike me than taking the time to get to know me and understand where I am coming from.
The person who was offering me some advice suggested that I take the Motivational Gifts Test (c)2005 created by Dr. Doreen DellaVecchio. (http://www.gifttest.org) I've taken it multiple times and I always score highest in "Teacher" and "Perceiver". If you take the test and read the descriptions, they fit me perfectly. I just wish the test offered suggestions on how to relate to people who don't understand these gifts and misinterpret my intentions.
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